Kitty Finders

Lumberjack

2010-06-05T16:51:00.000-07:00

Fellin' dead trees like a lightnin' storm
Climbin' under covers 'cause your feet are warm
Leavin' your new curtains all ripped and torn
Lumberjack's been trouble since she was born

Princess Prissy Pants

2010-04-11T14:02:00.000-07:00

Princess Kitten, asked for a fish
Threw a tiny tantrum when she didn't get her wish
I said I'd catch one, the next day
But she stuck out her butt and walked the other way

Greenthumb

2009-04-22T17:57:00.000-07:00

Myth: Humans are the only species to ever domesticate crops.

Fact: Though often attributed to gardeners and horticulturists, most of the world's flowers are planted and tended-to by kitties while you're asleep.

Fact: Kitties make excellent gardeners because they are low to the ground, they have daily experience digging and burying, they can aerate soil with their claws, and they know, from their many attempts at eating your bouquets, what flowers should smell and taste like.

Fact: There has never been a successful florist who didn't get advice from kitties. Most florists keep a kitten in the chest pocket of their overalls.

Choo & Choo

2009-04-20T20:27:00.000-07:00

Salt Lake City is not the sort of place you expect to find reclusive eccentrics. Everyone here seems to aspire to be average. With 200,000 middle class white Christians educated by the worst-funded public educational system in America, Salt Lake City is a place awash with conformity and mediocrity.

As luck would have it, I live next to the one weirdo in the whole town. Nestled in a small grotto of trees, next to a large old house, is a set of miniature train tracks which we often pass on our Kittyfinders recon missions.

If it weren't for the enormous exterminator tent we saw one day, the house would seem completely abandoned. The lights are never on, there are no cars in the driveway, and, as a drunken homeless gentleman informed me, "I've never seen the trains run. Fifteen years and I've never seen any trains. Just cats."

And so Choo & Choo wile away their days as two fuzz-clad locomotives on a hermit's 200 meter long pipe dream. How many cats live here? Was there a train at one time or was this built for kitties? Only the Choos know. But they scurried down the tracks before we could ask them.

Oscar

2009-04-20T20:00:00.000-07:00

Hey, you! Yeah, that's right, you two. What are you both looking at? As a matter of fact I do live in that trash can, big deal. What? No. No you guys can't pet Slimey, your hands are too clean. Huh? No you can't be Grouchketeers either, you're too old. Now buzz off!

Exhaust

2009-04-19T17:05:00.000-07:00

Hippy 1: "Dude, you have to check out my new car. It is so eco-friendly."

Hippy 2: "What kind is it, man? Hybrid? Electric? Fuel cell?"

Hippy 1: "No way dude, it runs on old cat litter and coughed up hair balls."

HIppy 2: "That's amazing, man. But what about emissions? What comes out of the tail pipe?"

The A-Team: Murdock, Hannibal, and B.A.

2009-03-12T19:04:00.000-07:00

As usual, Face's earlier reconnaissance work had given the team the intel they needed to execute their plan. His disguise still in place, Face had been inside the house attending the lavish party for over an hour, mixing with the guests, and creating a well-timed distraction. Hannibal, in the guise of a valet, sat calmly by the green door, waiting for Face's signal, and positioning the rest of his team for their tactical strike. On Hannibal's orders, B.A. had abandoned his sniper position in the tree, his laser eyes initiating their charge cycle.

B.A. always supplied the brute force for these operations, this time being no exception. Face had hoped to conceal B.A.'s brutishness by dressing him in a fine black suit, complete with white ascot and french cuffs. The ruse was effective. Now out of the tree, no one suspected that B.A. was anything more than a late arriving party goer. Murdock's peculiar manner wasn't so easy to conceal though.

Labeled as "adjudicated mentally defective" years ago by a military tribunal, Murdock was the team's wild card. On this mission, as with all the others, Murdock's insanity wouldn't hold the team back, but instead be used to their advantage. He sat nestled under a picnic table in full camouflage, ready to loudly cough up a hair ball, climb someone's pant leg, or provide whatever other distraction the team might need if things went awry.

With B.A.'s and Hannibal's lasers now almost fully charged and Murdock's hair ball at the ready, the team was bristling with anticipation of their impending maneuver. But they hadn't received Face's signal yet...

...Amidst the revelry, Face reclined on a long divan, his tuxedo shirt unbuttoned, enjoying a plate of shrimp. He had forgotten about the rest of his team after his fourth glass of vintage sparkling milk, which someone had spiked with catnip.

Buddha

2009-03-08T21:08:00.000-07:00

In a well-worn spot, on the west side of an evergreen, sat Buddha kitty. His squinting eyes and cherubic face were as much a reaction to spring's sunny return as they were an expression of his fluffy enlightenment.

With a well-manicured coat and a bulbous body, Buddha kitty was blessed with loving providers. We yearned to run our fingers through his velvety chub. But a dense crop of ivy made approaching him impossible, and our affectionate calls didn't entice him any closer to us. Buddha kitty's message was clear. You do not approach enlightenment or summon it to you; you either are the Buddha or you are not.

Fearful Mr. Alley

2009-03-07T12:02:00.000-08:00

With quiet stealth, honed from years of capturing rats and avoiding Humane Society traps, Mr. Alley camouflaged himself amongst the rotting wet leaves of winter's retreat. Little more than a fluffy shadow among the debris, Mr. Alley had seen the camera well before it saw him. His bird-catching prowess never failed to fill his belly, leaving him no need for human contact. With approaching footsteps rhythmically intruding upon his gloomy lair, Mr. Alley skittered away like a furry wisp on a wind of fear.

Dusty

2009-03-01T15:49:00.000-08:00

Our first vision of Dusty was of him gallantly staring down a puny ratdog and tolerating a hoard of pedestrians. We thought immediately that he must be a weathered and street savvy fellow. True to our expectations, Dusty wasn't at all scared by our petting or even the accidental camera flash in his eyes. Like the street urchin that he was, he had a fine dusty patina and what appeared to be only 2/3 of a tail. He was collarless, grimy, and maybe a bit flea ridden. But we let him be, because he seemed to have a full belly and high spirits.

Prince Fuzzy

2009-03-01T15:41:00.000-08:00

This afternoon we went for a walk down 100 South, a street infamous for random kitty sightings. Today's conditions were perfect kitty weather. Sure enough, we found one. Prince Fuzzy surveyed his dominion with a weighty air of authority far exceeding his eight fuzz-covered pounds. Even camera clicks and kissy lip sounds didn't distract him from his regal perch. He was the overlord of fuzziness, and we were his diminutive subjects.

Universe Kitty

2009-02-15T17:17:00.000-08:00

We went out on a kitty safari around sunset. Based on extensive data, we deduced that there would be kitties in The Avenues. After failing to find any for 15 minutes, we went seeking the infamous kitty bushes. We didn't find them.

On our return leg of the trip, M spotted a kitty 100 meters up the road. By the time we reached its location, it was hiding behind a car. But patience and multiple cameras prevailed and we got 'em.

We think Universe Kitty's collar must contain the universe, just like the collar of the cat from Men In Black.

Kittyfinders blog is live!

2009-02-15T11:28:00.001-08:00

The map is working so get ready for kitties.