Greenthumb

Myth: Humans are the only species to ever domesticate crops.

Fact: Though often attributed to gardeners and horticulturists, most of the world's flowers are planted and tended-to by kitties while you're asleep.

Fact: Kitties make excellent gardeners because they are low to the ground, they have daily experience digging and burying, they can aerate soil with their claws, and they know, from their many attempts at eating your bouquets, what flowers should smell and taste like.

Fact: There has never been a successful florist who didn't get advice from kitties. Most florists keep a kitten in the chest pocket of their overalls.

Choo & Choo

Salt Lake City is not the sort of place you expect to find reclusive eccentrics. Everyone here seems to aspire to be average. With 200,000 middle class white Christians educated by the worst-funded public educational system in America, Salt Lake City is a place awash with conformity and mediocrity.

As luck would have it, I live next to the one weirdo in the whole town. Nestled in a small grotto of trees, next to a large old house, is a set of miniature train tracks which we often pass on our Kittyfinders recon missions.

If it weren't for the enormous exterminator tent we saw one day, the house would seem completely abandoned. The lights are never on, there are no cars in the driveway, and, as a drunken homeless gentleman informed me, "I've never seen the trains run. Fifteen years and I've never seen any trains. Just cats."

And so Choo & Choo wile away their days as two fuzz-clad locomotives on a hermit's 200 meter long pipe dream. How many cats live here? Was there a train at one time or was this built for kitties? Only the Choos know. But they scurried down the tracks before we could ask them.

Oscar

Hey, you!  Yeah, that's right, you two.  What are you both looking at?  As a matter of fact I do live in that trash can, big deal. What?  No.  No you guys can't pet Slimey, your hands are too clean.  Huh?  No you can't be Grouchketeers either, you're too old.  Now buzz off!

Exhaust

Hippy 1: "Dude, you have to check out my new car. It is so eco-friendly."

Hippy 2: "What kind is it, man? Hybrid? Electric? Fuel cell?"

Hippy 1: "No way dude, it runs on old cat litter and coughed up hair balls."

HIppy 2: "That's amazing, man. But what about emissions? What comes out of the tail pipe?"